Ross Winn

Political Alphabet

1902

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Political_Alphabet

Originally appearing in Free Society, April 13, 1902.

A stands for Ananias,
    The politician’s patron saint.
B is for Boodle, which
    Doth all legislation taint.
C stands for Congress, D.C.,
    Where all kinds of laws are invented.
D stands for Democracy,
    Whose dupes are somewhat demented.
E stands for Expansion, which
    Stands for piracy and plunder.
F stands for Freedom, a word
    Mostly used for political thunder.
G stands for Gall and Gab,
    The politicians’ greatest essentials.
H is a sulphurious place
    Where lawyers need no credentials.
I is the personal pronoun
    That the candidate uses most.
J’s for a four-legged rascal,
    Prototype of a political host.
K stands for Kansas State,
    Where Mrs. Nation smashes things.
L’s for Lying, a habit
    Never discouraged by political rings.
M stands for Militia and Muskets
    The props that uphold every State.
N stands for National Spirit,
    That divides all humanity with hate.
O stands for Oligarchy,
    That rules with a scepter of gold.
P stands for People, whose rights
    By the political shysters are sold.
Q stands for political Quacks,
    Who would cure every ill with a law.
R stands for Republican rule
    That’s supreme from Maine to the Kaw.
S stands for Stupidity, the same
    That fills so completely the dear people’s heads.
T stands for Teddy, out onlyest Ted,
    Who would so strenuously stamp out all the “Reds”.
U is for the Union
    A venerated fake.
V is for Violence,
    That governments make.
W’s for Washington,
    Where the lawmakers revel.
Z’s for the Zeal
    That statesmen serve the devil.